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“Ashley i have some bad news”… “what is it??”…”Ethan died.”

The love of my life. My everything. My Angel. Couldnt speak. Couldnt Breathe.

Ethan, my baby, that I had been with for over a year had died. He was battling with a heroin addiction through out our whole relationship. Not only was he struggling with heroin but pretty much every drug out there. He had this addictive personality, it was addicting being around him. We had this passion for love, for food, for eachother, and for our friends and family. He had the most contagious laugh and smile. whenever he would look into my eyes and smile, I couldnt help but smile too. The first day we had met, it was like we instantly fell in love, even though we knew nothing about eachother i felt like we had been in love for years. All we could do was talk about was eachother. It was almost to good to be true. The addiction took over him and he dragged me down with him… the smile that I once had fallen in love with was fading and there were no more laughs just fights. I put everything into this relationship and soon it was falling apart. I couldnt believe that such a strong love that we once had was being ruined by the drugs. Once ethan and I discussed the possibility of him going to rehab, we both decided that would save our relationship and more importantly his life. He came back and he had this fire for life, and this urge to succeed in life. But once the drugs came back, it would all go down hill from there, we both continued doing drugs, our life was in shambles, all we did was fight. Our realtionship had come to an end when I moved to Northern California to get my life back on track. Where he continued to go to another rehab. We continued to keep in contact when I moved away… But his struggle for drugs became more intense. It was painful to hear what he was doing to himself. Before i knew it he was gone…. It all seems so surreal still. I act like nothing is wrong, put on a fake smile and laugh when it is necessary to laugh… I’m so lost and confused. I feel like I’m just away on vacation and when i come back to visit sandiego he will be at the airport waiting for me to get off the plane, run to me, and kiss me. I feel like somehow I could have prevented this and i could have been there for him more than i was, I could have helped overcome this strong battle in his life. I’m heartbroken and I feel gulity but I know I can never go back. I will never have the chance to apologize for not helping more and for giving up on the person that I loved the most in the world. Drugs can and will destroy you. They not only kill you, they kill your soul, your heart, your personality, everything. Your world will be completely turned upside down. Towards the end of our relationship is was only pain, us both suffering. Some day i will be with him again, and until then i will never ever let go of the love we once had… he will never be forgotten.

Rest In Paradise: Ethan James Elsten 

sept 5th 1991- april 2 2011

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